December 14, Then and Now - Part 1
Let me begin by apologizing for not posting anything here for the past five weeks, but finding the time to reflect and write is becoming increasingly difficult with all my other responsibilities and duties. Better late than never I guess.
I posted my last blog entry on Dec. 14th, 2005 and as many of my friends, brothers and sisters know, that was the fourth anniversary of that one fateful afternoon when my life and the lives of many around me changed forever.
It was on that date four years ago that I was arrested, whisked off to jail, put in the "hole" for sixteen of the nineteen months to come. I have yet to be charged with anything that warranted that kind of punishment.
I have been trying to reflect upon and record the events and changes that took place within me and in people and places around me, but that turned out to be a more difficult task than I had anticipated.
An overwhelming feeling of pain and frustration overtakes me every time I go back in memory to those excruciating 19 months. A great injustice was committed and has, so far, gone unanswered and unresolved. I can't fend off the feeling of being wronged and violated in the name of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. This has resulted, among other things, in total intolerance of any form of injustice that I encounter, even fictional (Novels, TV shows and movies). I feel my blood pressure rising and I get this almost unstoppable urge to scream: "Stop, you can't do this" which in turn gives way to a feeling of defeat and tears swelling in my eyes.
What really surprises me is that now, two and half years after being freed; my feelings are as raw and as painful as ever. Every door slam takes me back to the resonating sound of that huge metal door of my solitary cell being slammed behind me every time I entered. The jingling of keys brings back painful images of guards' keys, of chains and handcuffs and shackles. Sounds that I wish I'll never hear again, ever!
To be continued! Stay tuned.
I posted my last blog entry on Dec. 14th, 2005 and as many of my friends, brothers and sisters know, that was the fourth anniversary of that one fateful afternoon when my life and the lives of many around me changed forever.
It was on that date four years ago that I was arrested, whisked off to jail, put in the "hole" for sixteen of the nineteen months to come. I have yet to be charged with anything that warranted that kind of punishment.
I have been trying to reflect upon and record the events and changes that took place within me and in people and places around me, but that turned out to be a more difficult task than I had anticipated.
An overwhelming feeling of pain and frustration overtakes me every time I go back in memory to those excruciating 19 months. A great injustice was committed and has, so far, gone unanswered and unresolved. I can't fend off the feeling of being wronged and violated in the name of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. This has resulted, among other things, in total intolerance of any form of injustice that I encounter, even fictional (Novels, TV shows and movies). I feel my blood pressure rising and I get this almost unstoppable urge to scream: "Stop, you can't do this" which in turn gives way to a feeling of defeat and tears swelling in my eyes.
What really surprises me is that now, two and half years after being freed; my feelings are as raw and as painful as ever. Every door slam takes me back to the resonating sound of that huge metal door of my solitary cell being slammed behind me every time I entered. The jingling of keys brings back painful images of guards' keys, of chains and handcuffs and shackles. Sounds that I wish I'll never hear again, ever!
To be continued! Stay tuned.
posted by Rabih at 11:05 AM
3 Comments:
Rabih, my brother, I know this is painful to remember, much less write about, but I am grateful you have decided to do so. The more people can experience from the inside what is happening to too many Muslim men of Arab descent here in the US, the better chance we'll have of changing what needs to be changed.
Compassion often leads people to join the struggle against injustice. May your story awaken a sense of compassion in your readers.
Patricia
Thank you, my sister, I sure hope your assessment is right on. Rabih
I'm glad you're back and writing again. I've been keeping an eye on this spot since I followed a link over from Windchime's blog.
I look forward to your future posts!
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